The third agreement describes the issue of making assumptions about how this leads to suffering and why individuals should not participate in their manufacture. Accepting what others think can lead to stress and interpersonal conflict because the person believes that their hypothesis is a representation of the truth. [10] Ruiz believes that one solution to overcome the act of acceptance is to ask questions and ensure that communication between those involved is clear. [9] Individuals can avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama by not making assumptions. [1] “The Four Accords” not only gave me the four chords with which I made small positive changes in my life, but the book also helped me understand the process of “domestication” and how this “domestication” shaped my belief systems. To remove this fog from your mind, this mitote, so that you can start thinking clearly and create a new belief system within you, a system that gives you the freedom to measure yourself against who you want to be and not with someone else`s version of you, Ruiz offers four new agreements by which you can educate yourself and live: According to Don Miguel Ruiz, everything we do is based on agreements we have made – agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, with life. But the most important agreements are those we make with ourselves. In these agreements, we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible. A single agreement is not such a problem, but we have many agreements that come from fear, deplete our energy and reduce our self-esteem. “We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking – we take it personally – and then we blame them and respond by sending emotional poison with our word,” Ruiz describes. Doesn`t that perfectly summarize your knee-jerk reaction in the episode above? What it entails: This concept deals with understanding how the behavior of others is just a reflection of them.
When someone gives us feedback about our behavior or about us as human beings, it`s important to remember that no opinion is truly objective. We all have our prejudices, our filters through which we look at the world. For this reason, we should not consider someone else`s view of ourselves or our actions to be completely correct. When someone says something about us, they are really saying something about themselves and how they see the world. By being impeccable with your word, taking nothing personally, making no assumptions, and always giving your best, you are working from a place of love, not fear. And you train yourself to focus only on what you can control. If you do your best, you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret. Based on this second point, given the inner integrity that comes from your best, you will agree with the result, whatever it may be. Because you are completely immersed in the moment and because you allow yourself to be complete, you will naturally surrender to the flow of life – the result of your effort – and so, whatever happens, you know that everything will be fine.
There is no room for self-condemnation, abuse or regret if you really know that you have done your best. In part 1 of this 2-part video, we learn about the “domestication” of man and how all the rules and values of our family and society are imposed on us by a system of punishment and reward. As young children, our true nature is to love and be happy, to explore and enjoy life; We are absolutely authentic. But then we learn to be what others think we “should” be, and because it`s not acceptable for us to be who we are, we start pretending to be what we aren`t. When we are teenagers, we have learned to judge ourselves, to punish ourselves and to reward ourselves according to agreements we have never chosen. The Four Accords help us break self-limiting agreements and replace them with agreements that bring us freedom, happiness and love. Why not try breaking one of the hundreds or thousands of chords you have right now? Maybe you`re thinking you can`t paint well – take out the watercolors and have fun creating something. By following the step-by-step process, you can gradually change things for the better.
So what did the Toltecs know, and how can their ancient wisdom, as told by Ruiz in the Four Accords, help us? “The real you is always a little child who never grew up. Sometimes that little kid comes out when you`re having fun or playing, when you`re feeling happy, when you`re painting or writing poetry or playing the piano, or expressing yourself in some way. These are the happiest moments of your life – when the real one you go out, when you don`t care about the past and you don`t worry about the future. The freedom we seek is the freedom to be ourselves, to express ourselves. But if we look at our lives, we will see that most of the time we do things just to please others, only to be accepted by others, instead of living our lives to please ourselves. “In these agreements, you`ve told yourself who you are, how you feel, what you believe, and how to behave. And in an effort to be accepted by everyone around you, you have created this image of what perfection is, based on the beliefs of others. If you`re having trouble understanding something, assume you know what it means. When things become clear, you can see that it means something completely different.
So why do you take everything personally? Why do you believe others that you are an average writer, a terrible singer, a person unworthy of love? Why do you take this to heart when someone insults you or denigrates your talent? It`s not about you – it`s about their own wounds and insecurities. .
