Some experts say that the idea of a relationship contract could help ensure clear communication and prevent a partner from feeling that their needs are not being met. The things that need to be included in relationship agreements are quite numerous and different from each other, but depend on your relationship, future goals, and past events. Here are some of the issues that a couple should include in a relationship contract, co-creating your relationship with your partner gives you both the opportunity to be 100% transparent and honest about what is important to you in your relationship. By bringing everything to the table at the beginning of your relationship, you`ll be able to avoid struggles, frustrations, and unnecessary internalized resentment due to the honesty you brought into the process of creating your relationship contract. There is also a positive trickle-down effect when you have a relationship contract in honesty that you can then bring to every moment of your relationship. The idea is that once you`ve been so explicit and clear about your desires, you can continue to do so continuously. All relational agreements should include all means used in conflict resolution. In recent years, couples have gone to court to settle disagreements. Nowadays, couples are advised to use other means to resolve disputes, such as mediation and arbitration, when mediation seems to fail. I highly recommend reviewing and updating your relationship agreement regularly. I have found that anywhere between 3-12 months is ideal.
You don`t want to let it sit for so long that it becomes outdated and forgetful in its insignificance. but you probably also don`t want to see it again so often (i.e. every 1-4 weeks) that it becomes something you follow neurotically and obsesses you. A relationship contract won`t solve all your problems. “There won`t always be a happy medium” for every topic on your list, and you`ll likely find that some areas are more uncomfortable than others. In this regard, we agree that “we agree that this is not a requirement for our relationship to all share the same interests, tastes, preferences or limitations. Just because one of us loves romantic comedies or sushi doesn`t mean the other has to love those things too. We agree that we may behave differently from situation to situation, depending on personal weaknesses or events. What works one day may not work the next, and we agree to accept that. We agree to give each other the space to think, feel or behave differently (within reason) from day to day.
It is the act of being fair and transparent in a relationship. There is no relationship that can survive without honesty and openness. If there is deprivation in both, then what exists is just an illusion of a successful relationship. “I know it sounds idealistic, but I`ve had relationships where I felt lonely and small. This time, I wanted to look more consciously outward, as much as we look inside,” Len Catron wrote. Because a healthy relationship doesn`t just happen, you need to put the work into it. You don`t need to go so far as to draft a contract that each of you needs to review, but several agreements between you can be what your relationship needs. Just like the canaries that miners once used to warn of gas leaks, explicitly discussing fears can help you recognize when your relationship enters dangerous territory. You may worry that your partner`s family will interfere with your relationship, that you will both separate over time, that your partner will have an affair, that you will have to sacrifice your career for your partner, that you may not be able to have children. The list may seem endless.
But as the Roman philosopher Seneca wrote, “We suffer more from imagination than from reality.” When couples give themselves permission to reflect and talk about their fears, they develop greater mutual sensitivity and support and can take preventive measures to prevent those fears from coming true. For example, if you`re interested in a risky career change but are worried that financial commitments might prevent it, you can agree to cut family expenses to build a financial cushion. .
